Pam

6 years ago we had a serious incident occur in our family. My sister was 12. Now, at 18 she is still struggling with it. Nobody really knew how to handle the situation with her. As a result, she still really struggles with it all. Today, we decided to go and see a channeling numerologist / medium. She didn’t really give us the closure that my sister was wanting. Needing. 

But, despite us not being there for that, she told me that my relationship is destined to be doomed in the next couple of months. She told me that I need to listen to my intuition about my relationship. She has put my mind into turmoil. Currently, the Mr and I are not on good terms and he is staying at his Mums. Probably not a good time to hear these things. On the other side, I felt like she was talking about her past relationships the entire time. 

Why does something always need to throw a cat among the pigeons? Why did Pam have to get sidetracked? I want clarity. 

Auntie Me

Every now and then you get blindsided in one way or another. It could be something that is totally positive or something that is totally not. I’ve had a couple of each of those moments lately. The most memorable… My brother calling to tell me that I am going to be an Auntie for the first time! Wooohooo! I am super excited. Also, a little apprehensive because I am not sure if we will get to see the baby much or anything as my sister in law can be a total bitch and doesn’t like to see our family much. But, my brother is having a baby. I am beyond excited! I have lots of present buying to do over the next few months! Yipee!

Am I ever going to figure out who I am?

I am fighting this constant battle with and for myself. I feel like I should know who I am by now. But, I don’t.

There is one thing though. One thing that I have realised about myself in the last year or so. I guess I always knew it was important to me, just not the significance it played in my life and who I am, until recently. 

Passion (and zeal). 

I do everything with passion. Life, to me, has to be lived with passion. Every moment (good and bad), is more … full if you live it with passion. To me, life is more exciting with passion. It is an enabler to happiness, exploration, learning, confidence and inspiration. I tackle everything with passion.

I find that not only is passion important to me, but I need it to be important to the people who surround me. If not in everything, then in something. To me, you HAVE to be passionate about something in life. If not, life itself. 

I still may be torn in this push-pull + up – down roller coaster trying to figure out who I am, but I do know that passion is in me. Passion is how I tackle life. 

Is it a full moon?

Yesterday, I could have sworn it was a full moon.

The previous night, there were five serious car accidents around the region. I cannot begin to explain how much I hate car accidents. Particularly when they are serious. As an immediate family member of somebody involved in a fatal car accident, I know the repercussions that these accidents have on families, friends and the community. Regularly, there are reports of car accidents in our area. It’s not uncommon to hear of five in a morning, until now I had never heard of five over night when most people are sleeping though. However, regardless of the time of day, five is a lot. Too many. It makes me upset and angry and I want to do something. But what can I do? Tell drivers to be more cautious and expect that the heed my instructions and consider my feelings? I think not.

Waking up to that news on a sunny day, I thought it only had to go up from there. Headed off for a walk in my old hood. There is a beautiful park littered with waterfalls, native bush. a lake, camping areas and many walkways. Ten minutes in to our walk, we found a path that looked intriguing and went further into the bush. We scarpered up muddy steps and paths and almost get above the tree line to find, ah a slip in front of us. It took out the whole path and many many trees right in front of us. We turned around and headed off to find a different path. But no, no, I would be the one to slip in the mud, slide on my bum all the way to the bottom and end up with a very sore and muddy back side. No more walking for us.

Headed home and while we were out, somehow, the shower glass had come loose and was sort of ‘waving’ around in mid air. The seal had come unstuck and the glass was wobbling all over the show. No big deal on any other day, aside from the wondering about how it randomly happened like that. Which reminds me, I must call the landlord to get that sorted.

After a few other little oddities to the day, I headed to work for the afternoon/night. Got to work, and while I am only at my job because its a job and don’t enjoy it, I know that I am good at it. I smile, say “Hi, how’re you going?’ to every.single.customer. I got pulled aside by my newest manager (who I am having HUGE issues with at the moment in regards to bullying) and his managers manager (managers everywhere around the place. I swear half the staff have a manager title attached to there job description somewhere). I got mystery shopped and got 29%. 29%!!! It happened, the night that all the bullying stuff came to a head and I said that enough is enough. It was one of the worst nights that I’d ever had at work. Despite this, I thought I’d done very well considering the circumstances. I had said hello to every customer in my usual way and scanned at packed at the fastest rate of anybody in the store. Not on my game, but probably at the same standard as half the other staff. 29%. I was gutted. My biggest area of concern, I didn’t say ‘hello’ to them. Whatever! Then, the area manager (who also happens to be new), got involved. My immediate manager, sat there the whole time with a little smirk on his face. I ended up explaining to his manager (and also the HR person) about what had gone down and why it was so bad. regardless, I now have about 100 pages of paper work on customer service to complete in two days. Yawn.

After that, all of the crazies came in to work. I work in an area with a high population of people with high needs and physical disabilities. We see them all the time and many of them are familiar and friendly faces. Last night, we got many that we haven’t seen. And then, the seemingly ‘normal’ people that were just plain crazy. Ones that discussed sex, ones that asked us if we were open half way through their shopping when the shop was full, ones who turned trolleys upside down and sat on them in the store, ones who mistreated their children right in front of us, ones who mis-calculated their budget by over a hundred dollars and the list goes on. Not only that, the staff were not on the ball either. One had a few day old grandson get called back to the children’s hospital because the heart surgery he had at a few hours old was infected, one tripped over something someone had left lying around in hospital, one called in sick, one had a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach about her boyfriend and who knows what else.

I left work last night querying the full moon, almost certain their had to have been one. Looked around. Looked around some more. No moon at all. Look at the lunar calander. We’re in the third quarter. A whole quarter away from a full moon. Was it just one of those days, or was it a slow uptake on the full moon? A sign of things to come?