Dreamer…

*A border collie in shades of green (from lime to forest) saunters up the gravel driveway at a leisurely pace. My Uncle and Dad are around the side of the house chatting over the BBQ. Mum and my brother are inside. I SCREAM to Dad. The dog comes running. Dad and my Uncle come running. I lose track of what happens next. I go and get the hack saw out of the back shed. I run inside. Dad and my Uncle cut the dog up into chunks (about a foot by a foot) and throw it under the end of the front deck.

Until a year or so ago (into my mid/late twenties), I believed that that dog was still under our front deck, rotting away. Decomposing. As a child, I was always scared to go under there, even though I had to a lot, as at the time, that’s where our spare key was kept.

*Every night, a man stands peering with this piercing eyes around the door jamb and into my room. His fedora style hat hiding any expression. My sister now sleeps in this room and insists that no such man peers around that door jamb.

*Running up a grassy green hill, like you may see in a comic, I ran as fast as I could. Behind me, an animated skeleton. Never making it to the top, but never being caught either. Obviously comical skeletons cannot chase anybody down, especially me, as a teenager.

*Into my twenties, as my eyes were getting heavy and my mind was going into itself, an older lady with a short, curly hair do, glasses and a bike, along with some others would stand around my bed, waiting for me to go to sleep. As my eyes grew heavy, I would jerk awake and wonder if they were still standing around my bed. They would just stare at me until I was asleep properly (and maybe afterwards as well).

All of these dreams, I could have sworn were true. Happened in real life. It was only as an adult, after mentioning the green dog to my mum, that I realised that it wasn’t true. That it was just a dream. So I asked my sister about the guy peering around the door. Nope, a dream too. The people standing around my bed with the lady and her bike. Someone could not come into my room every night and bring their bike without anybody else in the house noticing, so that must be a dream too.

It’s all a dream. Except, I could swear it is real. I could swear, and recall it as if it really happened. Those dreams, are just a couple of the dreams that have been reoccurring over my life. Sometimes, they only happen for a few years, some, still come and happen to this day. And then, there is the new ones. The dreams that only happen once. The ones that could happen in each night, could have actually happened during the day too, if I didn’t know better…. sometimes.

As I screamed to get out of the kitchen because somebody had me trapped this morning, I realised that I wasn’t in the kitchen, and being trapped was actually just cuddles. A nice realisation for once. A little bit real and a little bit not.

One day, hopefully I can realise what is a dream and what is real. What if there are some things that I am still convinced happened but actually didn’t? Eek.

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