Today I read this post. It could not be more appropriate for my life at this time. Reading it really bought some perspective to my life. To be more precise this quote from the comments really hit home.
“Whether it’s personal or professional, anything that slams into your confidence that hard will start to affect your overall self-perception. You begin to question your worth. A creeping malaise steals into your life and everything you do disgusts you with its pathetic inadequacy. This feels like an identity crisis; everything good you thought you knew about yourself is called into question, and all the bad things you always secretly suspected are amplified until everything positive is drowned out.” – Someone commented this on the post but f****ed if I can find where it originally came from.
I’ve been out of uni for a year this month. I know that I am going to be an amazing teacher, given the chance. I know I am going to be able to inspire and engage children in learning. But, every rejection letter, every time an application is ignored it is just a little bit more crushing to the soul. I started studying when the economic world was in a much better place. I finished studying when it had apparently gone through the worst of it but in my profession, the purse strings are still tightened and money is a constant struggle to find. Obviously, this filters down to the opportunity to actually employ people. But, bitter as I sound, I’m not. All the positive is just being constantly drowned out by the soul destroying lack of career.
Last year, I worked my butt off in a very very entry level job that gets paid minimum wage (although the job is actually worth much more than that. Much more). I applied for the teaching position at the school after everybody singing my praises. I didn’t get the job. Or the next 3 at that school. It left me rather twisted about it all.
Today, reading the blog post that I did this morning and in particular the comment with the a fore mentioned quote, I thought again how it wasn’t just me in this situation. I thought, what can I do about it? Where to from here? I needed to step my game up again. I needed to find that drive, that passion and that determination. I got up, had a showered, put on my war paint (make up) and drove to every place that might, just might, have a position come up in the near future that I could get too (even if I’d been there before). I continued to put myself out there for people to judge me on a first impression and a piece of paper. It’s getting harder and harder to roll with the punches and each set back but I know that one day, it will pay off in reward of a job. It will.